The journey of finding myself.
First thing, you never find yourself. You are always growing. Learning new things, liking new things thus you are always changing.
But the journey to find and understand oneself is a trip we all set off on. Understanding oneself equates to an unmeasurable amount of happiness. Some find what they’re looking for, some do not.
But how do we find ourselves?
I have not found myself or even close to a identify that I am comfortable with but I am trying. I am a seed that is attempting to grow into a flower, a flower that the world has never seen before.
I am 22 and yes most people say 22 is not that old but to me, my life is counting down.
Time is counting down and time scares me.
Understanding myself and my inner soul is a lifelong task. A task I have set myself and a task I have now started taking seriously
First of all, I learnt to accept who I am. If you do not accept your current self and the flaws you have then how can you expect to grow?
I am crooked. I may never & most likely will not find the perfect version but I will be less crooked than I am at this moment in time.
I’m tryna find mysely
I’m searching deep for Quam
These walls shouldn’t confine me
I need to look beyond this
Growth flows like water
I’ll just wait at the dock
And by the way
I don’t care much for your opinions
Imma find more light to shed
Running out of seeds
Tryna find deeper parts of me
The journey of self exploration never ends
The gym is an important aspect of my life. It is soon to be a year of me going through my physical transition and I must say it has made me an all round better person. I was happy with my body but I wanted better. I am more confident in all areas of my life. I tend to stick things out longer because I have learnt the last rep does a lot to ones body. One thing I found hard to grasp was technique, the way one does something. But it has taught me to always do things the way it should be done or else it won’t have the right effect.
I have also learnt that I am a very spiritual person. I do not believe in coincidences, everything is connected if you look deep enough (The Cost Of A Pound). Understanding this part of me, diving deeper into my spiritual side is a must for me. I want to know why I am like this, what is calling out to me, what I am meant to find. These are all the things I cannot find if I stay the same. So I have started meditating. I have bought books with spiritual and self-awareness aspects. Anything to better understand the person I am and once I am able to do this. I can then fly because I am crawling right now.
I am also back in education. I am not a fan of it but after having four years out of it, I know now is the right time. I want to help people. I know I will grow to help people but I do not know in what way, what career, what path will lead me to my destination. So after four years of not finding my path, it now feels that education and networking will lead me there. It might not lead to a degree, it might do but I know it will lead to something great so I made the decision to go back.
- What do you not like about yourself?
- What do you want to change about yourself?
- What kind of person do you want to grow into?
- What would help you grow into that person?
Make those changes and reap the rewards but please never aim for perfection. Perfection is the one of the causes of unhappiness. Which then leads to other negative feelings such as depression. Grow, find yourself, find a place to be content and fly.
I know I know myself now more than ever but I also know that I know nothing compared to what I will eventually – 💡
From a caterpillar to a butterfly.
POTS 