“People often confuse infatuation with being in love. Infatuation is mostly just based on desire, lust and admiration. You may believe you have strong feelings for someone, but you might just be admiring more of the superficial characteristics about him or her.” – Elite Daily.
What is love?
I really do not know, all I know is that I crave it so much. I have been craving it since I were a kid, I was not a neglected child but then again I never really had the childhood that I picture for my kids and I would raise my family differently.
Friendships.
If we subtract family and focus on my personal relationships with the people in my circle, would I say I have love for them? Very difficult to say because I had friends in high school that I do not speak to anymore, however they shaped parts of my life. There are people that I have not spoken to since the last day of college yet I spent most of those 7 years with them so is there anyone in my circle that I love? Maybe a few of my boys but then again just a few, I am someone that always likes to take time out and I remember not talking to anyone in my circle for about 3/4 months, left the group chat and to them maybe I was not that invested in the friendship and maybe they are right. I still think about it, is there anyone in my life right now that I can truly say I love and cannot do without? No would be my answer, I have people that I can call family in my circle but I can do without family if need be but that does not mean I do not have love for them, right? Changing circumstances always plays a part in cases like these, everyone is in university and doing their own thing so I guess always seeing each other and having banter together stages have passed as everyone is making new friends and new memories so it does not hold as much weight anymore.
Relationships.
Can I say I have ever been in love? No. I can say I have been in deep but not enough to call it love. I am someone who gets bored quickly and I am someone that can wake up today with a whole new perspective about where I am headed. That does not mean I do not like them, right? Unknown fact about me, I have actually realised I am a person that gets easily infatuated with someone and lusts over them (not in the stalker way), but in the way that my mind is constantly creating these scenarios with any of the individuals that currently hold my attention and I can have this person in my mind for years without even getting to know them. I would say I have issues but then I would say it is my Achilles heel; love. Jay Z said it best “Everybody want to know what my Achilles heel is, love, I don’t get enough of it. All I get is these vampires and blood-suckers”. Now I would say that is fairly right to an extent because at the end of the day I realise I had such a clouded judgement over the person and how I felt about them. Maybe that is just me trying my hardest to create something that is not there?
That is probably why I am so into star signs and personality tests. I am trying to change the ending so it is not me realising that I was just overthinking it once again. It gives me hope when the opposite sex is an Aquarius or a Libra because then I’m like “oh they are my perfect match, so maybe it will not be all bad” as I’m a Gemini.
The day I will probably be able to vouch and say that I am in love is the day someone can take the place of music in my life and replicate the emotions it brings till then I guess it is just infatuation and lust.
So what is love to you?
Hak Gway
POTS 