Death

This post is long overdue, it’s a topic I love and a topic I have been wanting to write about for ages but the timing has always been off so here goes.

Death and love are undoubtedly the two things I have thought about the most, we will get to love another day. The idea of death has always fascinated me, what happens after my ticket number has been called, will I regret it or will I welcome it, how will I react to it.

I have pictured my death on countless occasions with different scenarios and I always think what kind of funeral would I be given, who would cry, who would show up, would my loved ones go on a candle march, would my death make the news; different things. I think I would welcome death, I’ve been mentally prepared for it for the longest time for some reason. It just does not scare me, maybe I feel like death isn’t the end really. The first couple of scenes in the coming of age film ‘Submarine’ details exactly how my mind works.

I have always wondered how I would react to a loved one dying, would I take the movie route and cry, be depressed and just fall to the brink or will I take as a blessing for the individual that has passed away so therefore celebrate them. I have lost loved ones, most people have but I was a child, I still am but I am a bigger child. The experience of losing a loved one wasn’t something that really got to me, for some I acted in the way I felt like I should be acting even though I didn’t really feel that way and some I heard the news and thought “oh okay then” and calmly continued with whatever I was doing.

You could call that heartless but then again the relationship I had with those individuals wasn’t strong at all, might have been family but that core and memories were not there so I guess that’s why I acted in such a way plus I was younger so guess I knew less than I do now but even now at the age of 20, I still ask myself how exactly would you react, some say you will never know till it happens but if you know yourself then you would have an idea of how the news would affect you.

I think being Nigerian & Yoruba especially, I’ve been around many elders and I’ve heard many stories that they believe someone that has died has been born again in the shape and body of a newborn in the family & I’ve always kept this close to me, maybe it’s true but deep down I use it as hope that maybe one day you will also come back and everything can be what it was meant to be.

Hak Gway