“I’ll tell you what I don’t believe in, can I do that? Alright, I don’t believe in laws, or the system by any means, whatsoever. I try not to obey them at anytime. That’s what I believe in not believing it.”
“So what keeps you alive?”
“Four big bottles of water a day, two packs of Marlboro Reds. And, uh, I don’t – what keeps me alive, shit. Music, I have to listen to music all day long. I’d say that keeps me going. I’m a pretty dark person, I’ve though about ending it a million times. And I have to say that music keeps me here, by far, the main thing.”
That is an extract from an interview with the now deceased artist Dash Snow about what is keeping him alive.
What keeps you alive? Not your goals and where you would like to be in the future but right now at this moment in time, what is keeping you alive? The daily rituals you perform, your habits, is there someone you feel the need to talk to everyday to make you feel sane/complete, a particular song you have to listen to for your day to feel “right”. It is all good saying your goals for the future is what is keeping you alive but if your present is not what you would like it to be and there is nothing keeping you beating, your idea of the future will most likely get lost within all this. The future starts at this very second, you are in the future as you are reading this. The previous sentence is in the past, the future is every ticking second so the previous second has to be all it can be.
I asked a few people the same question and they all at first said future goals, the type of parents they would like to be and their ideal family goals/the type of family & or children they would like to raise; which is all good. At least they have an idea of where they would like to sail their ship but at this moment what is keeping them going? Feedback ranged from having to listen to a particular playlist nearly everyday as it reminds the individual about who the memory was shared with. Singing, dancing and listening to music is also part of what keeps them ticking, a prayer everyday makes an individual happy and sane and also having faith that God is guiding them. I guess the connection to a higher being soothes the soul of many people. An individual also gave me the response of having a life inside her keeps her going, knowing she has a new life form that is growing everyday is part of the reason why she keeps going, she has to be all she can be for that child. Looking back at the past and examining the growth that has been made, waking up a better individual, talking to family members or just looking through their pictures as they are somewhat distant from them at this moment in time, it makes the individual smile and renews their daily determination.
A reply that I feel is worthy enough for me to quote by someone I asked says “I feel like sometimes the thing that keeps me alive is knowing I will never try to be like anybody else and I am learning to take my own pathways for my own success rather than doing some things to please others and keep others happy. I will always be an honest person, never judgemental to those who come to me for help and always be genuine, because if I can’t be genuine when advising myself, how am I going to love myself and expect others to love me too?”
People also place huge importance on a particular amount of water per day, a certain type of food, having breakfast everyday, starting the day with the same song and morning rituals, looking in the mirror and self proclaiming positive things about themselves before they start their day. I for one tried the self proclaiming mirror technique in hope that things will somehow miraculously feel better and turn out better. The tongue is a powerful weapon in terms of manifesting things but I feel like you have to believe in it and right now I do not feel the need to remind myself of how amazing or special I am, I have grown past it.
I was asked what keeps me alive after asking a certain individual and I really could not answer as I do not have a daily routine or anything particular that stands out about my day. I rarely have breakfast, I do not place huge importance on a particular amount of water per day anymore, I do not pray or dance, I do not make daily lists, I can do without talking to family or friends. I really do not do anything, the only thing that is consistent about my day is music.
I love music, I can live without it if needs be but I would rather not. Music is an escape, it allows the ability to drift away into another world and feel at ease. I am only truly alive when I am alone in the dark with four corners surrounding me with music playing or just silence. As dark and lonely as that may sound, that is when I am truly in-tune with myself. I would rather have conversations with my multiple characters than sit in a room full of people unless it is a particular group of people but they also know it is rare for me to make an appearance. I get myself through my issues but a rant might be needed along the way to make me feel like someone has heard me. The only other thing that I can say that keeps me alive is the ability to always be myself. I would say I am a shameless individual, I am shameless in the way that I can be who I am and do what I want without validation from others. Whether it is a dance or a twirl in the rain or singing badly and loudly or just deciding to walk as straight as I can on the white lines on the road. The ability to do as I please is key to me feeling free.
What keeps you feel alive?
Does our personal rituals really make us feel alive and happy? What is happiness?
Hak Gway
POTS 